Sunday, July 21, 2013

Conversation with Dad. Blog Marathon (Post-8)

Things aren't going the way dad expected it to be. Instead, it showed a drastic fall over the few months. The situation at home now changed from bad to worse. I can visibly see everything falling apart but I'm not in a position to take control over it. I made a dejected face. 

Moving out of the city where I did all my schoolings with below par scores and spending more of my time with friends and sports made my childhood one big time to cherish. My school days were actually good but when it comes to academics I always had a bad remark of being a slow runner in getting over the line. I never considered education as a serious thing to look at. So I always had good time with outdoor games. 

Dad always dreamed of seeing his kids in a good position and he made sure he took every necessary step to  make that turn into reality. But fate is having something to do with his dreams. And so we. Lack of seriousness, arrogance, sluggish character of mine dragged me into a position where it has to be a win-win situation.

What are you up to Jay?. Dad asked in an uneasy tone. I can clearly sense that my idleness is unsettling his mind for long time. He wanted me to do something with my life. He wanted me to at least give it a try. He wants me to work hard keeping one thing in mind. He was worried about me more than I am.

I don't know dad. I feel like I have messed up my life so much. I need sometime to get over my recent debacle. I responded plainly not giving him the actual reason of what was bothering me so much.

You are struggling. I can understand. But for how long?. There must be some end to it. Isn't it?. Came the reply from him. He expressed his feelings now in a better way. He is having something to say. I let him say.

I just say you one thing. Listen to me carefully. Know what you want from your life. Go with that. My support will be with you all the time. Work hard. Give your best. Whatever may be the result. I will be happy with your attempt. And you will feel better for at least giving it a try than letting the opportunity go. I'm sure you will have no regrets for this in future.

I just thought for a while. All through his lecture about life there are many that crossed my mind. I have thought about the girl I so badly loved and I thought about Sachin Garg, Durjoy Datta. How in the world they managed to start their own venture in such good time. I wish I could be the one among them. I always had that in mind of doing some BIG things. I wanted myself to be different from what others do. In short I love to experiment things in life.

Dad, I just can't live life just the way others do. I strongly believe that I am here for something good. I have a purpose to fulfill. I have my dreams to achieve. I am not that mediocre kind of guy who work his skins out to earn some 20 to 30K staring at monitors all the day working with those deadly codings which makes no sense.

Okay. Fine. But when is that?. When are you going to start?. At least make me realize that you are passionate about something and you are striving hard for it. I will support you in the process. Dad says with a glimpse of hope in his eyes.

Ahh! It takes some time dad. Nothing happens overnight. I need to get back to normal for now. With that I bite my tounge for uttering something which I wasn't supposed to say in front of dad. I changed the topic in quick time.

I was actually going through a difficult phase which I can never blurt it out. I was totally shattered into pieces that day. Those memories kept daunting me for long time now. I tried so hard to get them out of my head. Every attempt was a failure. I tried different things. But nothing really worked. I decided to take the pain.

Leaving those thoughts and back in reality. Dad was waiting for me to respond. He wanted me to be positive and expecting me to give him an assurance that I will be alright and start thinking about life and career.

At that very point of time. All I thought was about dad and mom. They needed me to deliver the most. They took every possible risk to provide me a better education than anyone could. I felt an intense urge of making them happy. I want them to be happy. And I want myself to be reason behind their happiness.

Yeah Dad. Some things really went wrong for me. I'm not really bothered about the past. I will make a plan for now. Will try execute it in a right way. But, keep one thing in mind. If I fail today. I will come better tomorrow. I am not giving up this time.

It is always a great feeling to have such conversations with dad. We used to keep chatting about different issues. I used to admit my version of thoughts and he does the same. It's like a kinda knowledge transfer. At least a nugget of knowledge has been shared in the process. We are happy with that.

And here I am making this post with loads of hope and confidence, charging me up and making myself ready for a better tomorrow. My real hunt for life starts tomorrow.

I declare!.


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